Sufferin’ succotash!

opinion
Jan 6, 20202 mins

That’s not all, folks.

Computerworld  |  Shark Tank
Credit: Computerworld / IDG

Back in the days of the 5.25-in. floppy disk, this pilot fish’s friend has the task of transmitting some data via satellite twice a day. She compiles the appropriate information, copies it into a floppy disk and runs a script in a specially equipped PC to read the pertinent files and send the data. Easy-peasy.

And there’s never a glitch, until one day when she receives a phone call just as she finishes preparing the disk. With the transmission deadline about 15 minutes away, she slips the disk into the drive as she talks. Phone call over and with time to spare, she tries to verify the contents of the disk, but she gets a “no disk” message. It’s not in the drive, but she’s sure she put it in the right slot. A frantic search doesn’t turn up the disk, so she asks fish and another co-worker to search some more while she makes another disk just in case.

“Perhaps the PC ate your disk,” fish jokes. In the same vein, she orders the naughty PC to spit out the disk, in a Warner Bros. cartoon parody in which she is Granny, the disk is Tweety, and the PC is Sylvester. Still no disk, but with moments to spare, she uses the newly prepared disk and sends the data.

Later that same day she stops by fish’s desk to say he was right: The PC ate the disk. “The disk was in the space between the upper and lower bays,” she explains.

Sharky awaits transmission of your true tales of IT life. Send them to me at sharky@computerworld.com. You can also subscribe to the Daily Shark Newsletter.

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Questions that Sharky gets a lot

Q: What's a pilot fish?

A: There are two answers to that question. One is the Mother Nature version: Pilot fish are small fish that swim just ahead of sharks. When the shark changes direction, so do the pilot fish. When you watch underwater video of it, it looks like the idea to change direction occurred simultaneously to shark and pilot fish.

Thing is, sharks go pretty much anywhere they want, eating pretty much whatever they want. They lunge and tear and snatch, but in so doing, leave plenty of smorgasbord for the nimble pilot fish.

The IT version: A pilot fish is someone who swims with the sharks of enterprise IT -- and lives to tell the tale. Just like in nature, a moment's inattention could end the pilot fish's career. That's life at the reef.

Q: Are all the Sharky stories true?

A: Yes, as best we can determine.

Q: Where do the Sharky tales come from?

A: From readers. Sharky just reads and rewrites and basks in the reflected glory of you, our readers. It is as that famous fish-friendly philosopher Spinoza said, "He that can carp in the most eloquent or acute manner at the weakness of the human mind is held by his fellows as almost divine."

Q: Do I have to write my story in Sharky-ese?

A: No. Not at all. Just be sure to give us details. What happened, to whom, what he said, what she said, how it all worked out. If Sharky likes your tale of perfidy, heroism or just plain weirdness at your IT shop, he will supply his particular brand of Shark snark.

Q: I've got a really funny story, but I could get fired if my old trout of a boss found out I told you. How confidential is what I send to Sharky?

A: We don't publish names: yours, your boss's, your trout's, your company's. We try to file off the serial numbers, though there's no absolute guarantee that someone who lived through the incident won't recognize himself. Our aim is to share the outrageous, knee-slapping, milk-squirting-out-your-nose funny tales that abound in the IT world, not to get you fired. That would not be funny.

Q: How do I get each new Shark Tank tale emailed to me?

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Q: Where are the Sharkives?

Tales of old can be found in Sharky's archive.

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