Wayback Wednesday: Just leave it to the numbers guys, OK?

opinion
Jun 17, 20202 mins

Because IT doesn’t know beans about counting beans.

Computerworld  |  Shark Tank
Credit: Computerworld / IDG

This pilot fish at a catalog retailer doubles as Mac technical support guy and advertising project manager. “The company had been bought out several years earlier, and most of the decisions were now being made by accountants a few hundred miles away,” he says.

One of those decisions is to extend the original three-year lease on first-generation Apple Power Mac G5s by several years. But, fish notes, these are heavy-use machines and are starting to break down.

Fish sends word up the line that this isn’t a good idea — so many machines have failed that the company is dangerously close to not having enough computers to get the work done. That would jeopardize the catalog production schedule, along with millions of dollars in sales, all for the sake of about $90,000.

But for a year, there’s no response. So fish and his co-workers keep moving computers around and hoping for the best. It gets to the point that when servers begin breaking down and corrupting data, the techs have to take old desktop Macs, add external RAID drives, and use them as servers for high-resolution photography and layout documents.

Finally, after months of desperately patching things together, fish gets approval for a new equipment lease. That’s when he finds out the financial details of the old deal.

“It turned out that we were paying $4,500 per month for the old computers, despite having a buyout option on the entire lot for a one-time flat fee of $5,500,” says fish. “And the new lease only cost about $2,500 per month.

“So the accountants who were so concerned about expenses had fought us tooth-and-nail for 12-plus months over a proposal that could have saved them tens of thousands of dollars.”

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Questions that Sharky gets a lot

Q: What's a pilot fish?

A: There are two answers to that question. One is the Mother Nature version: Pilot fish are small fish that swim just ahead of sharks. When the shark changes direction, so do the pilot fish. When you watch underwater video of it, it looks like the idea to change direction occurred simultaneously to shark and pilot fish.

Thing is, sharks go pretty much anywhere they want, eating pretty much whatever they want. They lunge and tear and snatch, but in so doing, leave plenty of smorgasbord for the nimble pilot fish.

The IT version: A pilot fish is someone who swims with the sharks of enterprise IT -- and lives to tell the tale. Just like in nature, a moment's inattention could end the pilot fish's career. That's life at the reef.

Q: Are all the Sharky stories true?

A: Yes, as best we can determine.

Q: Where do the Sharky tales come from?

A: From readers. Sharky just reads and rewrites and basks in the reflected glory of you, our readers. It is as that famous fish-friendly philosopher Spinoza said, "He that can carp in the most eloquent or acute manner at the weakness of the human mind is held by his fellows as almost divine."

Q: Do I have to write my story in Sharky-ese?

A: No. Not at all. Just be sure to give us details. What happened, to whom, what he said, what she said, how it all worked out. If Sharky likes your tale of perfidy, heroism or just plain weirdness at your IT shop, he will supply his particular brand of Shark snark.

Q: I've got a really funny story, but I could get fired if my old trout of a boss found out I told you. How confidential is what I send to Sharky?

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Q: Where are the Sharkives?

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